Editor’s View: I’ve seen Santa’s naughty and nice list
© Adobe Stock and UK Parliament He’s written his list, he’s checked it twice, he’s made up his mind who’s naughty and nice…
Yes, that’s right, freshly delivered down my chimney is Santa’s list of who’s been good this year and who’ll be getting coal. I thought I’d share a few excerpts.
See also: Defra staff seek four-day week pilot with same pay
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The nice list
Civil servants at Defra
It is to their great credit that 80% of Defra’s civil servants surveyed by union bosses have voted in favour of working a four-day week.
They say it could improve productivity and reduce staff turnover.
All noble aims for sure. But the biggest upside is it will give them 20% less time to meddle with farming – a huge win.
Slogan writers
With all the protesting going on, it’s been a bumper year for sign writers and catchphrase formulators.
From the serious “Digon Yw Digon” that defined the Welsh protests in the spring to the jaunty “Down with this sort of thing” in Westminster after the Budget, you’ve found myriad ways to make your point. Well done.
Tractor salespeople
Frankly, you’re on the good list because Santa feels sorry for you.
Sales have plummeted this year amid falling incomes and business confidence, and there has been much talk of lay-offs and further consolidation of dealerships.
Hope you at least get a good break this Christmas and a well-stuffed stocking.
Consumers
Santa stays strictly neutral on matters such as which country has the best home-grown food.
However, he’s put UK consumers on his good list for continuing to back British farming even with many shelf prices rising ever higher.
An NFU poll this year revealed that the 74% of the public have a favourable view of farmers and growers, second only in the popularity stakes to nurses.
Risk takers
Santa’s business model means he is able to keep costs low by using free elf labour.
But for the rest of us, with costs and taxes mounting ever higher, it takes a great deal of bravery to invest in a new business at the moment.
So a big salute to all of those who still have the courage – Santa hopes you see the reward.
The naughty list
Chancellor Rachel Reeves
Responsibility for the Budget ultimately rests with her, and Santa is appalled that a fog of fear will hang over many a festive farming table as a result of her meddling with inheritance tax.
There is still time for a change of heart.
Hopefully as she stares down at her Christmas dinner and reflects on the fragility of the supply chain that delivered it, she will think again.
Brussels sprout growers
Transfer this one to the nice list if you’re a sprout lover, but Santa was alarmed to hear that sprouts are set to be 25% bigger this year.
Kindly growing conditions have propelled the diameter of the green globules to an average of 30mm.
Surely we have been punished enough this year after torrential spring rains and a stormy autumn without this act of final cruelty? It’s not going to be a silent night in many homes…
Petty bureaucrats
Troubling reports reach the North Pole of fresh barriers being thrown in the path of tractor run organisers by local council staff and police this year.
Of course the safety of the public must prevail, but these events spread festive cheer and raise vital cash for good causes.
If you’re not doing everything in your power to help them go ahead, then expect a visit from a Dickensian ghost.
Food criminals
The 22t cheddar cheese heist from famed Neal’s Yard Dairy grabbed the headlines a few months ago, but that isn’t the most serious food crime committed this year.
Most deserving of a swift kick from Rudolph are the gangs involved in illegal meat imports, mostly via the Port of Dover. Santa hopes the port inspectors get all the resources they need to keep up the good work.
Sir Brian May and the BBC
For their joint efforts in producing and broadcasting a bovine TB documentary that was so flawed it should never have seen the light of day.