Opinion: Come on farmers – now it’s your turn to strike…

I caught up with a mate of mine recently. He, like many others, was bemoaning the lack of imagination that seems to characterise the government’s much heralded Environmental Land Management scheme.

Despite the announcements earlier in the year that farmers will get more in Sustainable Farming Incentive payments than originally touted, my pal was less than enthusiastic about the new direction for farming support, particularly in view of Defra secretary Therese Coffey’s performance at the recent NFU Conference.

See also: Strike action not an option for disgruntled farmers, says Guy Smith

We then went on to discuss an alarmingly long list of other gripes he had: labour shortages, lack of investment in R&D, unfair trade deals, government disinterest in food production, the cost of inputs, avian flu, working seven days a week, no paid holidays, global warming, the cost of living, increased parking charges in his local town and the closing of his village store.

The list went on and on. And to cap it all, his wonderfully placid gundog of 15 years Sherbet was on his last legs.

Hopeful for the future

I asked him why he was still a farmer.

He’s a bright guy. Surely he could have a less stressful – and almost certainly more profitable – time in the City, or investing his millions (from selling the farm) in a variety of other ventures?

He said he’d never do that, as he was “hopeful” for the future.

“Hopeful?” I retorted. Anne Boleyn was hopeful.

But then it hit me. His inexplicable optimism must be because he’s a glutton for punishment and, like every farmer I know, a decent soul who’s never let the perennial challenges of farming get in the way of an honest day’s work.

And maybe that’s the problem. Perhaps our farmers are just too nice to make a fuss.

Even the infamous Liberty and Livelihood March in London 20 years ago, impressive as the turnout proved to be, was an awfully courteous sea of tweed, flat hats and occasional expletive-ridden banners.

Make a stand

No. If you really want to get noticed, it’s time to bust out the braziers, countenance the cold and go on strike. Never mind the facts, or the plausibility of the arguments. Just get out there and make a stand.

Who else could be better placed to stick it out for days and weeks in the rain and wind than 400,000 rural folk, hardy types who laugh in the face of early mornings and a predictable income?

Your time is now. While Rishi Sunak is still working out how to lower the hems on his trousers to keep out the chill, you’ll show him you mean business in your farm shorts, dealer boots and threadbare polo shirts.

Nurses and train drivers? Pah! Not much could be scarier than tens of thousands of ruddy-faced farmers “comin’ atcha” in an angry throng. Look out Therese.

So, if you want a gazillion percent rise in support payments, an unlikely reduction in hours, fanciful improvements to your working conditions, or just a semblance of a policy for food security, now’s your moment.

And if, when you’re done, all you claim is £14/m for anti-predator fencing under Countryside Stewardship, it won’t be an entirely lost cause.

You’ll at least be able to keep the foxes out of the pheasant pen for another year.

Even the imperturbable Sherbet might bark at that.