Opinion: Experiencing a bout of ‘farm-mum guilt’

During the first week back at school, we had a message from my daughter Daphne’s teacher asking for a picture of “something exciting” that she had done with her family over the summer.

Immediately the “farm-mum guilt” set in. I imagined all the other children with pictures of sunny holidays and ice creams on the beach.

So I rummaged through my camera roll and sent in a picture captioned “Daphne delivering dinner to her Daddy in the tractor”.

See also: Lucy Nott – it’s been a year of rebuilding myself

About the author

Lucy Nott

Farmlife opinion writer

Lucy lives with her husband, a sixth-generation farmer, and their two children on a 100ha (250 acre) arable farm in Worcestershire. On the farm they have a passion for regenerative agriculture and aspire to transition to a regenerative system. They are also part of the Sustainable Farming Incentive pilot and are trialling lots of new things on the farm. They hosted their first LEAF Open Farm Sunday (LOFS) this year and Lucy is now the LOFS Ambassador for the West Midlands.

Read more articles by Lucy Nott

I sent it because, amid the chaos of summer, there are special moments of calm.

When the weather is fair, the children are grubby from mucking around all day and we grab a precious moment together eating a picnic dinner at the side of the field. 

It’s in those moments we are reminded why we do what we do and are given the strength to carry on muddling through.

You never feel like you are winning, always being pulled from pillar to post. Has anyone mastered the juggle of farm work, diversifications, off-farm jobs, doing fun things with the children and finding a moment to yourself?

The only way to get close to winning is with death by colour-coded calendar and weekly parental summits.

After which, we break camp, become passing ships for the following week and watch our carefully laid plans be ruined by the weather.

I’ve learnt to be kinder to myself and I’ve definitely given up hope of being one of those “put together mums”.

I’m slightly dishevelled and always five minutes late. But, we get the jobs done and, as long as everyone is happy (and fed), you can’t ask for more.

We moan, but we wouldn’t change anything. We’re always grateful for the freedom that the farm gives our family, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t hard moments, or seasons.

But if life was always easy, it would be boring right?

Hopefully in February half term we can swap the tractor pictures for the poolside. Although, we all know a video of a tractor will always win the “circle time” competition.