Flindt on Friday: Singing the glyphosate blues

“Have you still got those old ploughs?” asked Tod the Cropdoctor as we were setting up for a much-needed band rehearsal. (“Much needed” as in “we all needed to get together and play some beer-fuelled blues”, not as in “because we keep on playing the wrong notes”, although that’s true, too.)

“I think so,” I said. “I never did manage to sell them. There’s the five-furrow Kverneland and the 4f Overum in the yard somewhere; why?”

“We might be needing them soon. Glyphosate is running short.” And on that bombshell (as Britain’s Most Famous Farmer used to say) we launched into Need Your Love So Bad.

See also: How to reduce the risk of glyphosate-resistant weeds

Blimey, I thought, as I set the drawbars for the second verse, that’s a bit of a turn-up; ploughing back in fashion.

Mind you, it’s good timing. There’s a whole new movement out there called “Give ’em what they want”, and it’s based on the idea that you abandon trying to argue with angry activists and agree to their demands. Then wait.  

It applies to certain political parties (don’t mention the Catalan Question), fans of renewable energy (buy a diesel generator first), and those who would ban glyphosate.

Sod’s Law

Right now we appear to be having a bit of a “give ’em what they want” moment with the world’s favourite herbicide.

Farmers have been trying to point out that, if you ban glyphosate, you’re going to need something else to control weeds.

And we ploughing fans have been hopping up and down saying that there’s one historically proven way to control weeds – as well as remove compaction, aerate the soil, counteract erosion by pushing soil back uphill, and enjoy the most satisfying job in the world (there’s Mr Clarkson again): it’s a mouldboard.

© Charlie Flindt

It’s a tad ironic that, despite being a fan of turning the sod, I haven’t ploughed for years – the rusty AX and No 28 mouldboards will attest to that.

I’ve been Horsching into untouched stubble for a decade, and I have to say, the view from the combine cab this year suggests that, on our clay-over-chalk, a well-honed plough point is in order to reinvigorate it.

Licence to plough

A recent issue of Farmers Weekly suggests I’m not alone. The front cover featured a pic of an old-fashioned 3m drill/power-harrow combo on some beautifully ploughed ground, and inside was a big story about chemical-resistant weeds needing to be ploughed in.

There was even one of the leading lights in the Regen movement doing his (probably unintentional) best to encourage glyphosate resistance – and thus hasten the return of the plough – by using our precious weedkiller as a growth-suppressant on clover; the sort of thing we conventional farmers consider shockingly bad practice and the very peak of irresponsible chemical husbandry. But, as any fule kno, Regen rules are different.

I was in the middle of dreaming of the simple 100hp 4×4 machine that would be ideal for the four-furrow, and trying to work out what would be the best way to remove 10 years of rust (sanding pad or gravelly Godwin’s fields?), when I realised the rehearsal room had gone quiet.

“Let’s try that again,” said Tod. “It all went a bit wrong somewhere.” I think I know what happened: I’d made a mess of that E flat dim seventh or whatever it’s called.

I blamed Ian the drummer for being too loud, everyone agreed with me (as is traditional), and we started again.

You can’t beat bashing out some proper Fleetwood Mac on a Monday night. Almost – but not quite – as much fun as ploughing. Can’t wait to get back to it.